The Good, Bad, & Ugly

Being a new mom has been a roller coaster. Each day is different and learning to let go of a clean house or rearrange schedules has taken me a bit to get used to since I have a type A personality. Parenthood is no joke. It has made me question my capacity of what I can handle. I know I am not alone and I think it’s important to share our stories so we can learn, grow & help one another get through this wild ride together.

Let’s talk about the good, the bad & the ugly of being a new mom.

Ugly:

For a long time I was judging myself and criticizing how I was feeling as a new parent. I went through a time where I would have thoughts that didn’t match with who I was or who I wanted to be. This was and has been very confusing. The most difficult challenge so far has been my mental health adapting to parenthood. Juggling doubt, anxiety, sadness, fear, joy, love, happiness, numbness, anger, excitement...an insane amount of emotions. Out of these, anger has been something new I’ve experienced. I didn’t even know it could be a thing postpartum. I’d describe myself as upbeat, happy, positive, outgoing, fun and bubbly...not angry. The anger intensifies when Declan cries. When I experience the feelings of anger I beat myself up and I get frustrated that I am angry....this leads to crying. There was a time I was crying at least once a day for weeks at a time. I was exhausted from feeling like a monster. I couldn’t escape. I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I was embarrassed and afraid I would hurt the relationship. Everything felt like my fault and I just wanted to hide and stay away from others. Including my husband and son. It finally got to a point where I looked at Wayne and said “I’m tired of feeling this way. I thought I was strong. I’ve been eating, sleeping & working out to combat all of these emotions, but it’s not working. I think I may need help.” Fast forward to today. I did receive the help I needed and I am doing so much better.

Bad:

I know I’m not the only one when I say we could use a date night. Preparing for Declan I did a lot of reading and listening to podcasts. The number one thing suggested after the baby was born was to make date night a weekly occurrence. It’s so important to have time for ourselves and to connect with one another. Relationships outside of our child is a must. I have needs that have to be fulfilled, just like my child has needs. Meeting those needs...has been a bit challenging. Thanks to you COVID!!! It’s okay, just a bit different than I imagined life would be with a child. However, we decided we would not allow it to get in the way. We decided we would embrace the opportunity to be creative on how we would get to spend time together as a couple. Of course since the luxury of having a babysitter is out the window, our time doesn’t start until the baby is asleep. We take advantage by having a little pre-party with our friends Merlot & Cabernet. Then once Declan is asleep we use what little energy we have left from the day to be with one another. Some days it really takes effort. After juggling the kid all day between both of us while we have work meetings, caring for our other child (fur baby Sleven), making meals, cleaning up the messes...all I want to do is crawl into bed.

Good: Even though there are some challenging parts of parenthood, I believe it is the most amazing gift. Seeing your child develop their own personality, habits and interests is one of the most amazing experiences you will get to be a part of. It brings me joy interacting with Declan and watching the wonder of the world through his eyes. From the first time he discovered his hands to figuring out how to feed himself with a spoon. Each experience creates a special memory between you and your child. Recently Declan waved for the first time. It was a magical moment shared between the three of us. So much happiness came from such a small gesture. I could see Declan’s excitement knowing he figured out how to wave like we have been teaching him. I believe parenthood is a great reminder to appreciate the little things we have forgotten to recognize. Being a parent has taught me many things about myself and given me a whole new perspective on life.

Just remember, embracing the good, the bad & the ugly is part of the process. It is the development of your family’s story.